How to Clear the Pain and Embrace 2019

How to Clear the Pain and Embrace 2019

I felt the message that there are a number of you reading this message right now that are desperate for some direction and encouragement to get through this feeling of ‘mayhem’ dealt with before you can go lay on the beach for a few days!

So here’s the idea..
I am going to share with you ONE step in teaching you the powerful ‘RX7’ plan that WILL clear away the pain and reward you with a smile and an excitement towards welcoming 2019!

Now if it’s already the start of the New Year – great! Start now!

Each Day is such a simple task, and incredibly sets off a deep release within your soul that after a few days or week you will feel more peaceful. I’ve found that the initial hours and days after I do this work, I can feel flat, emotional and with some grief.

Often there are physical responses that might see me cry, letting the tears fall, or going to the loo a lot!! I know it’s my way of shedding the story from my cells.

The Mantra – you may have resistance with saying that, just remember you are giving yourself permission to move from this space where this is holding you stuck. For whoever else is involved, that’s not your responsibility.

Wherever you are, I’m with you and supporting you and giving you encouragement today. 

www.sharynswan.com

I love helping GenX women to thrive! Through building confidence, leadership and business skills as an Entrepreneur, or Shifting Money Mindset boundaries that unlock deep truths, releasing an expanded sense of value and worth.

Enter to Win a ‘Money Mindset Shift Session’ – valued at $197
We draw out one of my fabulous subscribers each month to enjoy this gift, we will announce the winner via email. Keep on the look out!

How do you move through disappointment?

How do you move through disappointment?

Hey, everyone. Great to have you here for our next These Five Things Show. This is where we talk about a particular topic in a little micro-slice and five little thoughts, tips, around how to work with this, how to get through, how to elevate through it. So today I felt really prompted to talk about disappointment. To talk about the hurt of disappointment.

There’s a few people who are going through some really interesting moments right now, and these will happen constantly, so I want to talk about the reality. First of all, let’s set up the stage. We all have disappointments. We all have that hurt, we all have that pain. The pain that actually is associated to the disappointment, is associated to a number of different things. You know, disappointments show up in love, disappointments show up actually in a win. So it’s not that some emotions are, oh that’s ugly, or that’s sad. They are all necessary of what we have to go through.

So let’s talk a bit about these five things. So the first one I want to talk about is grief.

1. Grief

Oh, the grief that you feel when something didn’t go the way that you had planned, the fact that, I really saw that happening in a different format, a different realization, a different outcome. There is grief around the fact that, that is no longer. That is not going to be. That is not what you had on your vision board for the moment. At the same time, we only see that the options are that was the sequence of how it was going to come to pass. We cannot possibly see all the other options, and who can help in those options.

I had a situation last week where I was really disappointed. I was heartbroken that a particular thing just wasn’t looking the right way. It just took me out of my game. It really even wrote off the whole day. And then something happened and I noticed that I wasn’t allowing the contribution of other people who could make something right in this situation. I was looking at it that I needed to have all of those answers, I needed to deliver all of those answers, and I was probably disappointed a little bit about myself being in that position. So, there is grief around what you thought was going to be and that you think it’s only going to be in that sad state, related to that situation.

2. Doubt

The next one is doubt. The doubt when you have a disappointment, you doubt in the opportunity, you doubt in the offering, you doubt in the possibility, and you doubt yourself. You go wow, if I can’t deliver on that if I can’t reach that, or if I can’t accomplish that, make that deadline, have that situation show up then we associate that disappointment and it really impacts on our self worth.

3. Shame

So then the third one becomes shame. And there’s been certainly a lot of wonderful conversation around shame and vulnerability from our beautiful Brené Brown, and if you haven’t yet read some of her works or seen her famous two TED Talks, then please, enjoy having a walk through that because they are fascinating. When you think about shame and you think about disappointment, the fact that other people you may have shared your goal, and it didn’t happen, and there is this shame to say well what will other people think of me?

There’s a shame to say, my family didn’t see me have that come through, I made promises. There’s a shame about disappointment of, well what was my contribution in that. Am I worthy enough? Am I good enough? That person said no to me, or that situation didn’t show up. Or the shame of not being, uh this is a really interesting tribal one I’m feeling too that if you’re in a team, a group, a business, and other people had not experienced the same disappointment at the same time, and you were feeling like you were being the single one outside of that group. So there’s a, oh, will I still be accepted in that group when they’ve had that go okay and I’ve not? So, is there some ostracizing happening as a result of that, so therefore, there’s shame built into those things. And, then, when we go into shame we go into hiding and go on our count possibly, be in the space again.

And I wanted to, this is all such beautiful timing of this discussion right now, and I saw this morning, Instagram, beautiful post from Brené that actually she shared from Viola Davis who’s an amazing actress. And I just wanna, I took a little snapshot of it and I just want to read it to you, but you can go back to Brené’s Instagram. And this is what it said is, “They talk. They tell you to develop a thick skin. So things don’t get to you. What they don’t tell you is that you’re thick skin will keep everything from getting out. Love. Intimacy. Vulnerability. I don’t want that. Thick skin doesn’t work anymore. I want to be transparent. I want to be translucent. And for that to work, I won’t own other people’s shortcomings and criticism. I won’t put what you say about me on my load.”

Wow. Isn’t that awesome? What will it take for us all to own that statement? And it’s also connected to those well what shame have I got to release? Because shame comes in as well what are other people going to think of me? I don’t want to do this because, and it holds us back from actually digging in and deciding what it is that fulfills us. What it is that our goals are, and having a go at them, because of this what other people will think.

And, we could talk about shame across a whole lot of different personalities, people and situations. You know that you’ve probably got some stuff within your own immediate four walls that you go, wow, if people knew that I would be disappointed. I would feel ashamed. They would be disappointed in me. And it’s, everyone’s got that inner four walls stuff. Sadly, you’re not unique. The situation you have might be unique, but, the ultimate of the ownership of that disappointment, that hurt, that shame it’s actually common ground. It’s what we share about us being human, we’re having a human being experience while we’re here. And it’s okay. The disappointment is as equal to the joys of love.

4. Release & Redefine

Next step which is the release and redefine, and so this releasing message that Viola shared is that, you know, saying I want to be that transparent and translucent in order for me to sort of say okay great, I felt that disappointment, I’ve shed my tears, I’ve had my pain, I’ve had my moment of grief and Joel Osteen who’s an amazing pastor who talks about it says to walk through the valley of the shadow of death in Psalms 23, but it doesn’t say build a two story house and set up your life in the valley.  You walk through it. And know that, okay, well what I have I got to release? Who have I got to redefine? What isn’t a fit for me anymore? What’s my truth? And you’ve got to do some internal work to actually connect with with what is this situation trying to tell me. What do I need to learn from this situation? What do I need to know from this situation?

There was a situation, not necessarily for me, but it was actually in order for someone else to identify, look internally through what’s happening for them and then in order for them to have that experience, I needed to play my part. Sometimes, when you’re feeling that disappointment it is a fact that you may have needed to play the road block, you may have needed to play that mirror role. So redefining, okay great from that, I actually didn’t want what I thought was that, I actually want now this, but until you get up real close and in front of it you can’t actually have that experience. So, what does it allow you to redefine going forward.

5. Courage

And our final tip is courage. And, again, with Brené she talks beautifully about courage derived in its needing talks for the heart. Its not taking away from it, it’s just saying, what of the heart? We’re not talking about courage, it’s around being brave enough around your heart to say, okay well I’ve exposed myself in that rawness to step in and have another go. Have I got the courage to retry, to redo, to redesign what that can look like. And it is falling up and getting back up again and sometimes you want to stay down and sometimes you want to get back up and life, we have to keep getting back up. It’s a matter of the times between the fall and the getting back up. You determine that. But, it’s not a disappointing time, its just a place where you can sorta say, okay what is that, what does it feel like, it feels ugly, it feels rotten.

Here’s what I really do want to embrace, and that’s that allowing it to come in and go out and I think this beautiful flow that we are embracing right now to talk about these feelings and to talk about uniquely are you that uniquely having these experiences that there’s more common ground and that you’re okay. We’re okay. We’re all okay because we know that we’re all in this together and I have hope and I have faith and I have always an expectation in something great but it does not mean I’m without my heartaches and my disappointments and my pain and my doubts. Absolutely. You know, I love working with those women and I can see where they’ve been and I can see that they’ve are stepping in to trust someone and say I’m here in your corner, and let’s get through this. Find a great person who can step with you.

And trust is another thing you’ve got to have the courage to do, especially if you’ve had a heartbreak or a betrayal; friendships, business partners, you know it’s like, oh wow do I have that courage to reconnect and retry and re-trust. It’s amazing isn’t it.

So there we are for this time. I hope that you have got something that just triggered within you and helped you wherever you are today just to go uh-huh I’m going to work with it, so it’s either today, it’s shedding a tear and rising again. So, you’re day could be one of those things here either in shedding the tear mode or you’re in the rising again mode. Wherever you are, it’s right. Wherever you are, I’m with you and supporting you and giving you encouragement today. 

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What’s Your Love Language

What’s Your Love Language

Today I want to talk about the art of the love language. These are the five love languages that you’ve heard, or you may not have, of Dr. Gary Chapman talk about the profiling and the way in which you love to receive love. There’s a fabulous quiz you can take to determine your personal profile and your preferences. What that allows you to do is understand how you want to communicate love, how you want to receive it.

I’m going to go through what the five are in a moment, but what I really want you to focus on is when you take the quiz, thinking about how you can implement some of your preference of your primary love languages, your one or two, into your daily tasks, into your weekly tasks. Let’s get started.

1. Acts of Service

Number one is the Acts of Service. This is my prime love language, and that is when someone who cares about you can step in and say, “How can I help you,” or, “Let me take care of that.” If you’ve got a full to the brim schedule, someone just who’s picking up the vacuum cleaner and starting to vacuum for you is great and you go, “Oh, wow. That just shows that you understand what I’m wanting to achieve and here’s how I can support you with that.” Okay?

2. Words of Affirmation

Number two is Words of Affirmation, and this is my second primary one, and why I understand is that I love hearing those words but I really understand when someone says, “Oh, I love you”, or “I thank you” or “That’s really amazing”, or “I really appreciate you.” I like understanding what’s behind that, like what triggered that, what was it that they’ve been made to feel, and also what did that generate inside them.

When someone says that to me, I just really want to understand that it’s part of the whole hug and the feel of it. So, think about words of affirmation and how I use that to honor myself is I have lots of sayings and expressions in my home and around my place that just supports, that thrives on that affirmation.

3. Physical Touch

Number three is physical touch. This doesn’t have to be completely intimate, but a hug, someone brushing your hand, or just wanting to tap you on the shoulder, and they love receiving that. For them, it’s actually a transferation of security, and to know that someone has their back. The physical touch is really important. Sometimes you gotta check in with people. Do they want a hug? Is that important to them as well?

4. Quality Time

Number four is quality time, and this is a rare commodity at times. Just being in the space with each other, focused on each other. Not necessarily with TV happening, and all the other exciting chores that have got to go on, but just being in that space together. Perhaps a quality activity together. It just says, “You are important to me. I’m with you, and I hear you, and I feel you”, and that’s really important to see.

5. Gifts

So, we’ve got the last one to do, which is receiving gifts. Before you say, “Oh, my gosh! That’s just so expensive and materialistic!” No, it’s actually the thought that’s gone behind the gift. If it has the expression of saying, “I really understood what’s important to you, and I’ve prepared for this, and I’ve put that effort into it”, and they love the surprise element of that during their day, as well.

So, it’s not necessarily a dollar related value, but it’s actually the coming along song of that person to say, “I know this is important to you.” It could be a flower, a wild flower. It could be any color that is a preference for that person. It just sees that that person feels that they’ve been seen and heard.

There’s the five love languages. I think we could talk about this for a long time, but in this month of focusing on love yourself more, I’d really love you to take the quiz, and just say, “In my partner relationship, I wonder what theirs is. I’ll get them to do the quiz, if they’re open.” But also, how to love yourself more. How can you actually translate that to that?

It helps you to live your best life, to feel more abundant, because if you’re feeling more love to yourself, to others receiving it, you just elevated yourself higher and higher, and that means vibrationally you’re going to be open to more opportunities, open to more abundance, more possibilities, more hope. And that’s where we actually are flowing with the stream and not trying to fight ourselves upstream.

Take the Quiz

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I love helping GenX women to thrive! Through building confidence, leadership and business skills as an Entrepreneur, or Shifting Money Mindset boundaries that unlock deep truths, releasing an expanded sense of value and worth.

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The Power in Acknowledging another woman

The Power in Acknowledging another woman

Today what I wanted to talk about was the power of acknowledging another woman. I want to take you through five key points that I believe are really going to make a difference in your pace, the value to you, and also the way that we’re here to encourage other people, and especially women because creating your own ideas and being an entrepreneur, it takes so much guts and courage.

Often, the people who your loved ones are, don’t have a great deal of expertise around running a business or ideas for that, and they really are trying to support you. So your encouragement pool gets quite small, and there’s a whole lot of people out there who want to have a go at another person and tear them down. So therefore, where you’re actually receiving that fuel and that freedom from another encouraging word. Let’s look at these five quick key points to remember in the power of acknowledging another woman. So, let’s start with number one.

1. Don’t Scroll Past

Number one is don’t scroll past. If you’re on your feed, perhaps on Facebook or Instagram, Twitter, and you actually see someone sharing an acknowledgement, stop. They’re being so brave to actually share it without the fear of the Tall Poppy syndrome slashing them down. Then, acknowledge it, not just a lot to say, “Congratulations on your achievement.” I mean, really, three words. It’ll be so valuable food and nourishment for that person. And you know what? You show up being that encourager. So, number one, don’t scroll past.

2. She doesn’t deserve it

Number two, she doesn’t deserve it. Oh, what does this mean? There’s actually two parts of this that I want to talk about. First of all, you’re doing judgment whether she deserves this achievement to be acknowledged or not. Oh, check in about that for yourself. Maybe you want to get your little journal out and have a look and see what that’s bringing up for you. The second part about doesn’t deserve this is the word deserve. Deserve has so much judgment around it so that when I say to someone, “Oh, you so deserve that, honey,” it is really condescending and the fact that I’m making judgment whether you should or shouldn’t have had that acknowledgment or achievement. Wow, right? So if you replace the word deserved with achievement or congratulations on your efforts. So it’s then gonna be around what other words you can do.

3. Your Introduction

Let’s talk about your introduction, your introduction to the acknowledgment and the actual achievement. I would much rather hear someone confirm the work that I accomplished, confirm what I had to go through. So you’re actually focusing on the behavior that person has had to do, the actions that they took, rather than the label of deserve it, and that I’m allocating the fact that you have actually deserved it.

Coming back to deserve, fantastic when there’s a game of skill or chance, the lotto ball or odds, great, you so deserve that. Getting free tickets to Bon Jovi, yeah, you so deserve that. But when someone has put in strategy and focus and application and diligence and being there, showing up every day and backing themselves and the faith driven around that, then you know what? Take a moment to acknowledge exactly those words. So, Sarah, “I’m so excited for you and seeing your progress through every step that you were willing to take, the diligence that you’ve had in this journey, the yeses that you created for yourself, congratulations in all that you’ve risen up and through.”

That is the most beautiful way of acknowledging another woman because you’re actually honoring her, and you’re actually acknowledging the work that was involved in that. And then people can actually role model off that. People can role model off the behavior. Their children can role model off what they hear another person acknowledging about their parent. Wow, how exciting that she is actually getting acknowledged for these actions that she took, and the fact that she kept going, the fact that she had another go, the fact that she failed a few times and she got up again. That’s what we want to be an influence to our kids, right?

4. Shoe Sale!

Okay, so the shoe sale theory is this: If you hear there is a fabulous sale on your most favorite shoe shop, you tell everyone, “Oh, my gosh. Quick, quick, quick. Did you know? Did you know? Did you know?” And you can’t wait to tell other people about it because it’s something of value. So what I want you to do is translate that to your acknowledgment of another person, of another woman, and tell other people, “Oh my gosh. Did you hear that Sarah has just earned herself this? Oh, and did you hear that Sarah has just been recognized by that? Did you hear Sarah is appearing on the Today Show?” Whatever it is. That’s the share the whole shoe sale. Just do it with the same energy and the same excitement that you would if you knew that your favorite pair of shoes were on sale.

5. Honour 

And the last point is honour. Honour her, honour yourself. And that is, when you’ve got some great service from someone, someone who just cared about you that little extra more or saw you or acknowledged you, helped you, encourage you, then publicly thank them. Acknowledge them. Write a review on their Facebook page. Write a thank you card. Do a post on Instagram with their picture of their product and you saying, “Oh, my gosh. I’m really loving the packaging or how this arrived. Or the extra steps.” Take that time to honour another woman in business and how you would love to receive that energy back as well.

Focus on loving you more and the activities that you can do to help loving you a bit more, because the more love that you have for you, the more that you’ve got that to pour into others as well. And we can all rise by lifting each other.

So, til the next time, look forward to reading your comments below.  If you’ve loved these ideas, please share with me what might have worked for you, what’s, “Aha. Yeah, I’m going adapt that into my way of thinking about things as well

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I love helping GenX women to thrive! Through building confidence, leadership and business skills as an Entrepreneur, or Shifting Money Mindset boundaries that unlock deep truths, releasing an expanded sense of value and worth.

Enter to Win a 'Money Mindset Shift Session' - valued at $197

We draw out one of my fabulous subscribers each month to enjoy this gift, we will announce the winner via email. Keep on the look out!

Stop Using these 5 Words that are taking away your peace

Stop Using these 5 Words that are taking away your peace

I want to talk about five words, or five understandings, that are really taking away more peace out of your life and, if you were make some switch-outs and changes, what extra joy could you have flowing into your life, because we all want more peace, more play, more prosperity, right?

1. Blame

The first one is ‘blame’. Where we’re using blame in words are “I blame that person for that” or “I blame that situation”, there has to be blame for it. There is so much intentions and around that there has to be a responsible situation that someone needs to take ownership, and often it is a frustration that you come with, and you wanna push that out, that you have no connection with that situation. By removing that word out of your dialogue, then you got great. There was a situation that happened and we now need to deal with the facts, we now have to deal with understanding with the opportunity to learn, and how could we improve the next time.

And what I want you to understand is that the words I’ve selected, there’s probably a hundred words we want to remove from our dialogue in order to have more peace. But the particular ones that I’ve chosen have been tested through kinesiology and subconscious as to the ones that are really deep down and are then catching through muscle testing. The negativity that’s reigning and holding in that pain into your body.

2. Should

The next one is the word ‘should’. ‘Should’ has so much connotations when you say “I should do this” or “I should do that” or “he should” or “she should do that”. With this, it’s really an external authority that has control over you by using the word ‘should’. And so if you know when to say, “You know what? I’m gonna replace ‘should’ with a choice. I either want this or I do not want this.” So if I want more of or I want less of, then it seems to me that you’ve got more say in this situation, you’ve actually more choice in the situation rather than feeling that as an adult, “I should go home and do the washing.” You know what you’re gonna try and say. “I’m going to go home and do the washing before dinner or after dinner.” It’s then saying, “Great, I have a choice around this.” So just not should’ing all over yourself.

3. Hate

The next one, it’s a biggie, is the word ‘hate’. I’ve consciously been removing that word out of our home for the last ten-odd years. It’s not a word we’re allowed to use. I’m pretty tough about it, because if I’m accepting that I can say ‘hate’ in such a casual reference, like, “Oh, I really hate how my hair looks today,” “I really hate broccoli,” it really brings more and more of that energy into your home, and you find more things to hate. It is an intense word, it is a word that has got so much history and pain associated, so the fact that you’re just gonna use it in your dialogue is one to say, “For what benefit would I be using that, as just a very casual term, or having it in my life at all? Why would I be referencing it? Why would I be including it in the way that I speak?” And so I think that if you become aware of just exactly the kind that you are feeling when you use it. Let’s try and eliminate it. I would definitely be encouraging you about that one.

4. Gossip

Here comes another one. ‘Gossip’. A dear friend and I were talking about this this morning. Gossip means when you really want to take information that’s not yours, information and stories that are not yours, and tell them on to other people, or having a situation where maybe there’s information that’s here and you decide to add another few layers on just to really drive that knife in, or really drive that disempowerment over something that by another person, perhaps, who is succeeding, who is having a different experience to what you are having. What we then do is that we move that story into the community and we elevate and almost all of a sudden, what was actually the sanctity of the truth has become washed away and you’ve become responsible.

You’ve become a participant in that. Now understand that gossip, they make trashy magazines, you want to live your life as a trash magazine, at that quality, where they’re just grabbing at headlines, grabbing at top layer stuff, or do you want to actually step into really layering the peace deep within you?

This is very different from when you need to find a confidante and a trusted mentor and somewhere you can actually go, “I’m actually needing to unpack something that’s happening in my life, I’m needing to understand a little bit. I need to lay it all out.” Channeling it into the safety and security, someone who isn’t just gonna be translating the outside of your circle into your cone of silence makes for a smart situation and who will go, “I hear you. How can we get to solving that? What do you think’s best in this situation?” That is very different, and if you do not have those people in your life, then get some people who can get close enough that you can start trusting in that, and it really will eliminate the nonsense that’s going on, and the attraction of more and more drama.

I get very little drama because of these sorts of things that I’ve started to get better at, to reduce in my life, to actually say, “What am I choosing?” I’ll check in about my choices. This is just for my own life, it’s not being righteous, it’s just saying, “I can see all this confusion and all this nonsense that sometimes we can get caught up in.” I try to be more conscious about what I’m playing, what I’m choosing to get closer into my situation.

5. Problem

The final one is the word ‘problem’. As kids, we’re told to solve problems, of course, but it’s when we actually focus on the word ‘problem’ rather than going, “A-ha! Something is presented in front of me and I’m actually going to now work on the solution,” instead of talking about the problem all the time. “Oh my gosh, this is such a problem.” No, it’s an opportunity. It is a challenge. We all have them, and some have them on a more intense daily basis than others and we can go through windows where we’ve actually got a series of them, but if we focus on the fact that, what can I do about certain circumstances that I’m now experiencing in this moment, in this season, in this – there’s a reason behind it, I may not know what it is, but I’ve got to plough through this. And so we get into solution.

It might happen the first few because you’ve got to have a reaction. Check in with your actions, vent, walk away from it, take a few days, absolutely. Then come back and say, “All right, let me now find my energy around the solution.”

Let’s talk about less problems. It’s not that you’re going to be all rainbows and sunshines, but it’s then saying, “I’m not escalating and escalating,” which once you thought that something was gonna be manageable, and then you’ve made it beyond manageable for your humanness to even take on, because you’ve now made it into something that it wasn’t. Just look at how you’re handling the word ‘problem’ into your life.

I pray that those five have been incredibly valuable to you just to say, “A-ha! Oh! Yeah!” Again, we could probably add another fifteen words. What are a few words that you’ve actually decided to start eliminating from your dialogue in your own space, in your family, or if you have any kids around or your partner? I’d love to actually know what those are as well. Please share your comments here on onto my Facebook Page

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I love helping GenX women to thrive! Through building confidence, leadership and business skills as an Entrepreneur, or Shifting Money Mindset boundaries that unlock deep truths, releasing an expanded sense of value and worth.

Enter to Win a 'Money Mindset Shift Session' - valued at $197

We draw out one of my fabulous subscribers each month to enjoy this gift, we will announce the winner via email. Keep on the look out!